This will not be a great work of literature. This will be a great work of sado-disciplinism. I'm going to explore precisely one per day. This will be under duress because my Dom likes it that way - we don't even have a safe word that's how hardcore I am. I vow to say the first things that pop into my head, rape it for good bits to use in my stand up and forget about it until I decide to memorise the whole list as a party trick. It's important to have a kinky party trick to impress people. Also, talking about sex seems to attract exactly the right type of guy/girl who thinks about you one-dimensionally and merely wants you as a play thing. What more could a girl ask for. F*ck you Disney, there are more ways than your soppy romances to screw up a child's hopes and dreams of ever finding true love.
TW. I may generate rape jokes - not because it's funny, but because The McCruel alter-ego does what she wants and I actually can't control her.
My tips for manifesting these lifestyle choices are clearly tried and tested over millennium. There is a huge corpus of corpse-f*cking annals which I will be consulting. Nothing will be made up. At all. Because I'm thorough like that, and obviously sarcastic. I use sarcasm as a defence mechanism to protect me from the nice people of this world. They hurt us the most.
All in all, if you were expecting a nice blog, you will not find that here. Particularly when we get to capitalism and puppy fetishes. I'm going to make the assumption that everyone is a fetishist. I'm going to make sweeping sexist generalisations - even though gender is clearly fluid in everyone. I do this in real life, but normally I would apologise about it. I exaggerate and generalise which makes me wildly inaccurate. Don't bother correcting me, because I'm not likely to argue with you on the internet. I'll stalk you and slash your tires
Every now and then I will update you on my fetlife profile which is necessary for my field research. I wish I actually had time to pursue my sexual preferences and discover more about myself, but I only really have time for work and comedy, so unfortunately I'm all talk and very little penetration.
Like I said, take it from an expert, and use my advice to manifest these sexual preferences in your own life. Because, as we all know, sexual orientation is a lifestyle choice... If you don't get sarcasm, you're going to have a really really hard time here. But Jesus will still love you.