Agalmatophilia (from the Greek agalma 'statue', and -philia φιλία = love) is a paraphilia involving sexual attraction to a statue, doll, mannequin or other similar figurative object. The attraction may include a desire for actual sexual contact with the object, a fantasy of having sexual (or non-sexual) encounters with an animate or inanimate instance of the preferred object, the act of watching encounters between such objects, or sexual pleasure gained from thoughts of being transformed or transforming another into the preferred object. Agalmatophilia may also encompass Pygmalionism (from the myth of Pygmalion), which denotes love for an object of one's own creation
What I particularly like about the idea of watching statues have sex, is little girls are pretty much socialised to do this when we enact romance scenes between our Barbie and Ken dolls. Memories of playing out "Days of our Lifes" with GI Joe and Ken duking it out to win the love of the harem (there were always 10 Barbies to 1 male Ken doll in my household). I miss Barbie. I feel that if I were to go back and act as a fly on the wall, I would understand the self-fulfilling prophecy that is the dramatic romantic tale of my life.
That said, of late, I haven't had any urges to f*ck the garden gnomes. Maybe I'm just not that into short statues.
What I enjoy is the idea of watching statue porn. Imagine the tension as we wonder, "Who will make the first move?" I'm not entirely sure, but already the thrill gives me a little lady-statuette in my pants.
An aside: I just googled 'statue sex' and I'd like to acknowledge that for the rest of my life I will be on government record for having googled 'statue sex'. The TPP is going to make for an interesting political career... have a fun with my blog opposing political party, whomever you may be. If every I become leader of the the "Stand-up for your Swinging Vote" Party (I will be pushing through a combination of swing dancers and stand-up policies), I'll have to do some fast talking.
Meanwhile, you HAVE to see this:
Sexy Statues from around the world
And we're not the only weird ones. This deer below teaches us that it's important to be tender to your statue... even if they give you the ol' starfish routine.
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iAll I can say is, ladies and gents, if your lover is constantly complaining to you that you're not interactive enough during sex (i.e. you have a Starfish/missionary orientation) know there are people and deer out there who would love to have your number.
Folks, if you would like to learn more about how to manifest Agalmatophilia in your life, try Madame Tussauds. She seems to bring them boys to the yard.
Enough of my waxing lyrical.
Make sure you use heat protection, paraphiles!